Why does change have to be a part of the growth process? I mean, I’m not usually a complainer, but this time I just have to say something to somebody. Why can’t the good things just stay the same, and have it be the bad things that change in our lives? That would be such a better deal. And yes, I realize that if I keep heading towards this line of thought I will end up in a pity-party…. so we won’t go there…. but really!
It really shouldn’t be such a big deal, I tell myself…. Other people have done it — other parents do it all the time. You see, we are in the midst of taking our youngest child to college. Where did the time go?
The baby. The caboose.
It feels like a final chapter in a book; like the last day of summer; like the beginning of a sunset…..
I know… I will never homeschool her again. Or remind her to clean her room. Or, complain because her belongings have overtaken the living room…. Or, help her find her keys…. Or, inform her of her responsibilities…..
At least not as her mother, persay —
Now we begin a season of deeper friendship…. of coaching when needed and requested…. of more prayer and less…. less… less what?
I’m not sure yet; this is new ground.
An old friend met us at the airport; coming with new friends….. She was glowing; excited; smiling and alive; looking forward with anticipation and hope; we all sat laughing together at Starbucks….
I watched and pondered her for a moment.
Is she really so close to womanhood? How did this happen?
These thoughts have come unbidden. They overtake me.
After all, her oldest sister is married now…. we went through this; didn’t we? Didn’t I learn some of this … before?…. I remember some of this ground, I think, but it still feels like completely new territory…
Why am I surprised? I suppose because I thought this was a learned lesson; a notch in the belt, if you will.
Learning to let go is hardest the first time, they say…. so why is there a lump in my throat? This would be my third..
In my heart of hearts, I’m thrilled she has chosen to obey God. I know she is destined for a purpose. I have prayed for her. I have sought God and felt Him speak to me.
It’s just that…. well…. I didn’t think this would happen so soon. You know?
I should have been ready for it — this emotional waterfall…. And yes, she’s gone on short term trips overseas in the past. Yes, she took a year off after high school. Yes, she is almost twenty — but don’t you understand? Sbe’s the last one…. Can’ t life just stay the same?
And then, the light of the Holy Spirit breaks in on my fears. “Let go,” He says gently. “Trust me. I have only good plans for her life.”
“Okay, Lord,” I say. “You’re sure you got her?”
It’s like He’s smiling at me. Really, daughter?
Okay, Lord. Really.
Sorry, Lord. You do a much better job. You have no unknowns. You are the Perfect Parent.
Creator… Builder of Persons…Designer… Author of all good gifts…. and relationships.
In retrospect, I have learned so much from my children. In their own unique ways, each of the three have taught me about what it means to live; I mean, really live; what life means.
Life. Energetic, fun-loving, full of adventure; each child is unique in a different way.
Our oldest: She is strong, adventurous, uncompromising and creative,
Our second: She is strong, bubbly, energetic, and adapting.
This one? She is also strong, quick, graceful and perceptive. She said something that shook me today. “Mom, it wouldn’t be so hard to leave home if I hated it here. But it’s a great environment. I hate to leave. I just know I have to. It’s time.” When did she become so strong and assured…. confident?
Did I tell you our girls are strong? They will need to be as strong as the sturdy oak, in order to hold to their values in the fiercely fluctuating winds of our times. They each have a calling from God …. as do we all…. They each have a sense of personal purpose … as should we all…. Older now, I am thankful they each have more energy than I.
But I have loved this season. Are you sure it has be time for a change, Lord?
Again, this sense of Peace overwhelms me.
Okay. (Thanks for being patient with me while I get this, Lord. I’m so glad that Patience was Your idea….. lol)
Isn’t the ability of the Creator to create uniquely different, altogether complete, Personhood, in each of us, an amazing thing? Jeremiah, the prophet of old, wrote that God calls each of us to our destiny, while we are still within our mother’s womb. The psalmist, David, wrote that we are each “fearfully and wonderfully made.” He said that God knows and sees each of us, and even the things about ourselves we think should be hidden away, are precious to Him;
That God follows and pursues us for relationship.
He not only loves us; that in itself is amazing — (that the Almighty God; the Creator and Redeemer of heaven and earth; that He would love me….warts and all!)
But He goes further… He not only loves me — and you — But He likes us as well.
Everything good comes from Him; His composite Nature is goodness and grace… He is not the Author of the bad. He has good plans. He is trustworthy – the Author of the trust concept. He is faithful.
Oh yes, I remember that now. In the midst of my painful dissertations with my soul; in the midst of my debate about just why it is we need to follow-through with His direction and plan; I remember.
Oh, I get it now. I really can’t look back over my shoulder at what was … unless I intend to give Him thanks. And if I can’t give thanks, I’m stuck in that place of looking back. But when Resolved, I need to press forward, to move on toward the high calling in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13)… to pursue Him for the reasons as to why He rescued my life from destruction…. Looking to the future; Embracing the past; Discovering fresh Purpose; Taking more time to listen.
Hopefully, I will “get it” quicker now that I have more life experiences logged in my journey with Him.
He has plans for me too.
Bill and I are more comforting towards each other these days — we are both in the midst of a learning experience; one that won’t have words for awhile yet… probably because we don’t yet consciously grasp what we are learning ….
Thanks for listening, dear reader. You are helping me to sort out the nitty gritty issues this morning… much earlier than I planned.
I don’t want to travel through life looking over my shoulder; regretting what might have been; wishing for more; somehow discontented with the process…. I need to look ahead, and “square up to the plate.” I want to learn these lessons well. After all, anyone who walks down the road looking backward is terribly distracted; they definitely will miss the scenery.
And therein is the lesson. Why would I want my children to live that way? I wouldn’t.
Thanks, Lord. I wouldn’t want this any other way.
Be blessed, baby. Your dad and I will always be here; but for this new season?
God’s got you. And He really does do a good job. All the time.
Blessings.
(c) 2010
Debgraafsma's Blog 